It has broken through the barriers of my mind and into the rest of my body. My upper body constantly feels claustrophobic… Even if I’m naked in an empty desert. I feel as if I am slowly suffocating… Constantly. I can never have enough air within me. My throat swells up to the point where hardly a single pill can find its way through to the other side… Let alone a half-gulp of water to wash it down. My heart and lungs feel as if they are seeping through my ribs… Like I’m holding a balloon tightly with my fingers spread… Just waiting for the balloon to explode. It aches to breathe. Every inhale takes strength. The deep breaths I oh so crave pierce my heart with pain every time I give in to my filthy addiction. I have lost control of the motor skills involving my fingers. I feel a split-second feeling of relief every time I rub my fingers together the right way and crack them to the point where they ache almost as much as my heart. “It’s in your mind” they say. I wish it were true. I was lucky when it stayed within the boundaries of my skull. But now, it has escaped. I have never wanted so badly to be nothing but normal for once. I just want to be able to breathe again. I want to breathe for you.